almost 2 years

February 20-27, 2012 was my first trip to Haiti.

What?  It has only been 2 years??  I feel as if I have been traveling there a lot longer than that.  He continues to soften my heart for what He has.  I have just returned from my 10th trip and I fall more in love with the country each visit.

This last trip I thought God was opening doors for what ever may be next for our family in Haiti, and then He gently closed the door.  He is loving and good and closes doors.

I am confused.  It has been 2 years.  I feel a calling, yet I sit on the couch with my laptop and talk about confusion.

I know during this time He is making a path that is perfect for us.  He has gone ahead to prepare a way for us.  When we try to prepare the way for ourselves it ends in a mess.  We know.  We tried that.

Wait...
People keep talking about the waiting period.  The waiting room.  The hallway between the doors that have closed.  Time of rest.  Be still.  Hang tight.

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous.
 Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.(Psalms 27:14 NLT)

I HEAR YOU!!!  and I want just a glimpse of what is to come.  Just a bit.  A blink.  An idea.

Be present today.  What is going on today that God is wanting us to be present in?

The other day Xan came home from school crying because the girls in her classroom were complaining about the school lunch.  The mac n cheese was appalling, according to ALL of her classmates.  She felt sad and told them that for sure it wasn't THAT bad... With big eyes they responded, "YES, it is THAT bad!!".  My 11 year old daughter doesn't know what to do with situations like this... through tears she told me she was finished living in America.  And now, her mother doesn't know what to do with situations like this...

Henry decided he didn't want anything this year for his birthday.  Pou kisa? (why?) I asked.  He couldn't give me an answer.  I tried to find something that would be more meaningful to him and suggested we sponsor a child through World Vision.  A child that was born the same day he was.  Everything seemed good and then through tears in his eyes he told me he was worried that the money we would send wouldn't go straight to that child.  He asked me to start saving money for children in Haiti that we can bless instead.  What?? Once again, mother doesn't know what to do with situations like this...

It isn't just my heart that is broken.  Apparently God is working on little hearts as well.  So, what do I do as a broken momma with broken children?

Love Does.  Bob Goff has written a book that describes how we can live our lives doing and make something incredible out of ordinary.  I know that He wants me to DO while I am waiting.  It is not just thoughts and feelings.  It is action. What does that look like today?

Today is Henry's birthday.  We had French Toast for dinner, just because.  Yesterday was Xan's birthday.  We had chili cheese fries for dinner, just because.  But I don't want things to happen just on their birthdays, just because.  How can my just because be played out in my daily life?

Coffee with a friend, just because.
Random loving text, just because.
Drop everything and go help a friend in need, just because.
Send money to a missionary, just because.
Tricky conversation with someone you care deeply about, just because.
Candlelight dinner, just because.
A wink, just because.
Pay for gas for a stranger, just because.
Smile, just because.

Just because might just change someone's life.