but I don't know how, Lord!

"Sometimes people are reluctant to do more for God.  They feel stretched beyond their limits as it is.  But anyone willing to break through their fears will discover that life is best and most satisfying when we're living God's adventure"  --Bruce Wilkinson from Beyond Jabez.

In November 2012 I felt God calling me to maternity care in Haiti.  What?  I don't know anything about that!  I want to do something I know.  I know kids, I know special ed, I know leading teams.  This is new and unknown.  There is no explanation for this calling.  Thank you Lord?...I think.  

I want to do His will.  I want to follow Him where ever He leads me.  But... this scares me.  I am not equipped!  I know, He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.  A dear friend of mine suggested I take a doula class.  Hmm...maybe.  Sounds like a plan.  Or maybe I will just wait for another prompting from the Lord. 

As I was fasting and praying for my February 2013 team, a man that I barely knew gave me an envelope with cash in it.  He said it was for me, for Haiti.  I took it to Haiti expecting God to use it.  He didn't.  I came home feeling like maybe I didn't listen close enough or maybe it was for another trip.  I saw him at church a few weeks later and he asked me about my trip.  As I started to explain what I felt like God was leading me to next, he asked the cost of becoming a doula.  It is the exact amount that he had handed to me in that envelope.  Amy, do you hear me?  Isn't this enough for you to listen? 

I'll sit.  I'll ponder.  I'll run.  Maybe.  Make my path clear, Lord.

This 15 day old baby in Cite Soleil broke my heart for the moms in Haiti.  I hear you Lord. 

Still, I come home, I get back into life and try to push it away.  Put it on a shelf for another day. 

Several other friends have challenged me not to wait.  As I was talking to one of those friends yesterday, I told her about a class this weekend to start the process of becoming a doula.  There are so many excuses to wait.  As I spoke with her, God made it clear that I shouldn't wait.  Ok.  I'm not gonna wait anymore. 

Class starts Friday :)    use me Lord. 

God has blessed me

I irritate myself.  I get so caught up in my life and all the stuff around me that I forget about how much He has blessed me.  I take for granted the little things.  I say little, but I really mean big. 
Today it's about my stove.  I hate cleaning the stove.  I whine and cry about it and it still doesn't get clean.  So lame.  It hit me today when I was looking at the front of the stove and how dirty it is.  Yucko.  I thought, why don't I take care of the things He has given me?  Why?  I have a stove!  It's lovely.  And dirty.  I have a dirty stove. 

A haitian stove.

I wrestle with the balance.  I am happy I have things and I think because I have them I should be taking care of them, but then the other part says to spend time with family.  Don't worry about things like the dirty stove. 

Balance.  Thankfulness.  Blessings.